The saying is true… some people do step on the little ones to get to where they're at in life.  It feels like a taboo bringing this up, but honestly, as accomplished or confident as I may appear to be, I have fallen victim way too many times throughout my career and for anyone, after getting slapped around so many times, our confidence tends to get butchered, and we lose trust.  So how do we avoid these situations, re-build our confidence, and trust again?  

For entrepreneurs, recent graduates, or anyone who has had a taste of the real world.. there are going to be challenges and we need to be aware that.  The cold hard truth is that there ARE professionals out there in disguise behind well dressed attire, smile, and friendly words, who blindsight, deceive, and take advantage, of clients, potential partnerships, or employees without mercy… All for what?  Likely money and/or power.  We see it on the news everyday.  So be very careful and trust your instincts.  This is coming from someone who learned that the hard way.

People may think that I should have seen the warning signs.. but *think* about it; they are con-artists, pro at what they do because likely, they did it to many others.  These people spend x amount of time with you and treat you so well that you find absolutely no reason not to trust.  They're not going to tell you up front "Hey do business with me so I can totally take advantage of you!"  Believe me, I replay situations in my head and to try to pick out red flags and realize I still wouldn't have known it was coming;everything was sudden, a shock, and where I least suspected.  Even other people who happened to meet these people were fooled and shocked too.  Even if an ounce of suspicion amongst someone we highly trust, we don't want to believe it, and end up passing it off as "Oh maybe I'm being paranoid."

It started when I was still in school about 5 years ago, freelancing.  I was young, eager, but was not aware of the challenges that I could face, nor imagined that anything could go wrong.  I was a bit too trusting.  It's good to be optimistic, but we need to be realistic and understand that things are not always perfect, and sometimes we need more than one back up plan.

One of my first potential business partnerships was a guy who owned a hardware repair company, didn't have web development experience and wanted to expand his business to provide website services.  I was looking forward to making it happen for this company until he told me up front that I was not allowed to speak or see his clients and that only his company's name would on it (no where in the code should have my info either).  He didn't want the client to know I existed and when I asked why, his response was aggressive, "These are MY clients and you're not going to steal them!"  Automatically I knew that this partnership wasn't going to work if he a)doesn't trust his partner b)treat me like a partner and c) wants to be a the middleman communicator with no experience.

I can't be expected to trust someone who doesn't trust me and I need to, (or someone experienced to), communicate directly with clients to better understand and accurately gather their needs.  So I decided to not work with this guy.

Another guy who also owns a hardware repair company also wanted to expand his services to provide website services.  He'll get the client, I do the work, and he gets a cut.  Same drill.  But instead, he would allow me to talk to clients, credit my name and add to my portfolio.  He loved my demo for a website for his company and said that he would certainly buy it.  He also promised to teach me some business skills and how to write contracts promising a written one between us.   After weeks of discussing plans on how to move forward, I asked,  "So.. when are we going to write that contract between us?"  I thought there was going to be a down payment too.  He suddenly flipped, like it was news to him, "What contract?!  I ain't paying a cent until you finish the ENTIRE website and the client and I are satisfied!  You really don't know anything about how business works!  My clients don't pay me a cent until I finish repairing their computer and they are completely satisfied!!!"

Not sure why he was telling me the whole time that he'd help me write the contract and suddenly have a brain fart, but there is a big difference between computer repair and web development.  There was no way I'd risk time doing all this work for him, just to not be compensated.  He doesn't have much to lose, but I did.  So I tossed that partnership out the door.

Third place was a computer software company.. same type of deal, desire to expand, providing web services.  Later I found out, the owner seemed to want a little more than my web services.  I didn't know how to handle the situation back then, so I did not call back.  Sometimes the best response is no response.  We never spoke again.

I gave up on the partnership thing for awhile and just stuck to freelance and 2 student jobs, which worked well.  After college, I briefly worked for someone at near minimum wage who gave me tedious work, refusing to give me challenging work constantly stating I don't have the experience to do challenging work.  I practically begged to give me a chance, spending hours outside work, mapping proposals to several plans that would help improve business.  At some point when people don't believe in you and you've already spoken out, you have to move on to people who will trust you enough to utilize you skills/knowledge and help you grow, and that's what I did.

That's not the end of the story (sorry this is a very long story).  After some solid years of being in the industry.  I was convinced I'd recognize red flags.  There was.. let's call him Mr. "Trusty" Middleman, who turned out to be less than honest, referring me to a "contract-to-hire" position for his client. Turns out it was just a contract.  He lied to get commission.  I was violated and used.  Another business who I trusted like "family", pretty much also blind-sighted me with a series of not so legal activities, which was by far the most incredibly and devastatingly shocking.

I could go on, but I think you get my point.  I wonder if it is my small frame, small voice that makes me a target to abuse.  I can't change my phenotype without cosmetic surgery, so I've tried changing clothes, sounding louder/more affirmative, and even making it clear what I've been through and expecting it not to happen again.  However, although it may help build others' confidence in you, none of that actually prevented me from being scammed.  But it's good to act confident instead of vulnerable.. and it doesn't hurt to subtly mention to a business partner, for example, how you handled someone else's dishonesty through proper legal actions.  This indirectly notes that you're not afraid to do something about it.  I think business con-artists' biggest mistake, is thinking that we are not aware of our rights.  Although there are a lot of things I wasn't aware of, I always found resources like state official government websites and calling its representatives who know the law.  

A few people suggested to have everything documented, and signed from the beginning, (or else don't do business with them), which I think is a great idea.  If I have requested more things in writing, it would have protected me more.  Then if an employer, for example, is laundering/stealing money from your pay check, or more commonly I hear, make false accusations to prevent you from collecting unemployment, you have back up to report to legal authorities.

The other thing is do your research and ask questions.  Most of these people I've dealt with, don't have much or any presence online (they came to me with my web services after all).  In that case, try getting feedback from others who know these people.  If everyone claims that everything is perfect, sunshine and roses, that may be a red flag.  No business is perfect, they all have their challenges and they should be honest about it.  Better to find out now than later.

Not sure how all these people can sleep at night, while others have to live through such nightmare .  It seems like a far cry for me to ask anyone reading this to NOT become like them and if you already are, then consider putting an end to it.  Question is what do you want to be honored for, work gained by deception or earned through hard work?

No matter how much of a grave that others dig for you.  Don't give up.  You may have to work extra harder to dig yourself out of the pitfalls, but you learn from it.  I'm very devastated but I often need to remind myself that I can't let them bring me down.  There are good honest businesses out there; I've seen a few and did work with/for these people.  You just have to look a little harder.

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